Taxicab Confessions...

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and Enter the Kingdom." The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Next it's the minister's turn.

He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter.

"While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

Sit Ubu, Sit! Good Dog...

One day in a busy butcher's store, a dog walks in. The butcher not having time to deal with the health hazard himself shouts at the dog to, "SCRAM!" The dog promptly lowers his head and leaves the shop.

Later in the day the dog re-enters the shop and drops a piece of paper on the floor. The butcher sees this and picks up the note and reads it. "Can I please have 1lb of bacon and 12 sausages", the dog promptly drops a $20 bill on the floor. The butcher quite amazed at this performance prepares the order, takes the money and gives the dog his change back. He places the bag with the sale inside into the dogs mouth and watches him trot out of the shop. Seeing that it was now about 4:30pm, the butcher decides to close the shop and follow the dog.

He follows the dog 30 yards down the road where the dog gets up on his hind paws and activates the pedestrian crossing lights with his nose. "Wow" thinks the butcher who then follows the dog to the bus-stop, where the dogs waits patiently for the bus.

After several buses have passed the dog jumps up and hails down the next double-decker, he boards the bus and requests his destination and takes his seat at the front of the bus. The butcher can't quite believe what he is seeing. The bus travels through town and out to the suburbs on the other side. The dog rings the bell and alights his transport home. The butcher then follows him for another 100 yards or so. The dog approaches a house and lays down his bag of meat on the front porch. He then backs up the front path and runs and throws himself at the front door.

'WHACK!'. The dog collides with the front door.

No answer, so he repeats this again, all whilst the butcher is watching from the other side of the road.

WHACK!! again no answer.

This time the dog jumps up onto the wall and walks round the side of the house where he taps on one of the windows with the side of his head and walks back round to the door. This time the door opens. The owner of the dog then enters into rage screaming and shouting at the dog. The butcher, feeling that this very special dog was being abused, decided to get involved and approached the owner:

"How can you have a go at your dog after what he has done? He is an absolute genius!," to which the owner replied:

Genius you say? Well it's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!