the lady & the plumber
A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o'clock. Ten o'clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, one o'clock; no plumber.
She concluded he wasn't coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived.
He knocked on the door; the lady's parrot, who was at home in a cage by the door, said, "Who is it?"
He replied, "It's the plumber."
He thought it was the lady who'd said, "Who is it?" and waited for her to come and let him in. When this didn't happen he knocked again, and again the parrot said, "Who is it?"
He said, "It's the plumber!"
He waited, and again the lady didn't come to let him in. He knocked again, and again the parrot said, "Who is it?"
He said, "It's the plumber!!!!!!!!"
Again he waited; again she didn't come; again he knocked; again the parrot said, "Who is it?"; "Aarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!" he said, flying into a rage; he pushed the door in and ripped it off its hinges. He suffered a heart attack and he fell dead in the doorway.
The lady came home from her errands, only to see the door ripped off its hinges and a corpse lying in the doorway, "A dead body!" she exclaimed, "Who is it?!"
The parrot said, "It's the plumber."
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the lady & the bad parrot
A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father,I have a problem.My husband was a ship captain & when he died,I inhereted his parrot.but she only know how to say one thing."
"What does sshe say?",the priest asked.
She says "Hi,I'm a slut.Do you want to have some FUN?"
"That's terrible", the priest exclaimed, "But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your talking female parrot over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray with th prayer beads and read the Bible, then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrot will learn to pray and worship."
"Thank you." said the lady.
So the next day, the lady brings her female parrot to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots.
She says "Hi,I'm a slut.Do you want to have some FUN?"
One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and says, "throw your beads away.Our prayers have been answered."