Why did the chicken cross the road?

HANZ BLIX:..We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq Ambassador)...The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.

RALPH NADER...The chickens' habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzeling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN...To steal a job from decent, hard-working Americans.

RUSH LIMBAUGH...I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help the chickens with crossing-the-road-syndrome. Can you beieve this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars,and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, moey the government took from you to build roads for the chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART...No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmers market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

GRANDMA and GRANDPA...In our day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Some one told us that chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.