"Teenagers and Cats"

For all of you with teenagers or who had teenagers, you may want to know
why they really have a lot in common with cats:

1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by
name.

2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane
efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting
on them hand and foot.

3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human
being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right
mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.

4. Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor you
teen will ever crack a smile.

5. No cat or teenager shares your taste in music.

6. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end
without moving, barely breathing.

7. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.

8. Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating
that ultimate human ecstasy -- a sense of complete and utter boredom.

9. Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's furniture.

10. Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to
return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your
bedroom.

Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior. Thus, if you must raise
teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but
veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at
hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do
not make any sudden moves in their direction.

When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some
affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all
concerned.