* Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
* One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
* Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
* If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?
* The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the
bad girls live.
* I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help
section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
* If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is
no woman
around to hear him...is he still wrong?
* If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is
it considered
a hostage situation?
* Is there another word for synonym?
* Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?"
* If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
* Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
* Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean
them?
* If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
* Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
* Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
* What was the best thing before sliced bread?
* One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
* Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
* How is it possible to have a civil war?
* If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
* Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
* Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
* Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
* Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket?
* If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash, why isn't
the whole damn airplane made out of that stuff?
* Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?