Templar: heh heh that's funny

Sarah1980: i`ve been to the big texan in amarillo ,i savvy about texas .amusing story. i spent over a whole day (in the olden days) hitching up from el paso to dallas .bigger than big the eyes of texas were sure upon me . mook53lhd

rednaz23: I think we are over it now 

Sarah1980: You know he may have started it, but you didn't have to do anything in return... To take a well known quote and change it a bit... "Only the foolish will follow a fool."

>
>  God is sitting in  Heaven when a scientist says to Him, "Lord, we don't
>need you anymore.   Science has finally figured out a way to create life
>out of nothing.   In other words, we can now do what you did in the
>'beginning'."
>
>"Oh, is that so? Tell me..." replies God.
>
>"Well, "  says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into the
>likeness of You  and breathe life into it, thus creating man."
>
>"Well, that's  interesting.  Show  Me."
>
>So the scientist  bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil.
>
>"Oh no, no, no..."  interrupts God,
>
>"Get your own  dirt."

mook53lhd: There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The  person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas." After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the  bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right."  The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and  skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"

Sarah1980: ???? meant questioning. as in i didn`t get your posts gist. i should have said what are you questioning ---i just made a blanket statement. how can you not like ????? .anyway my error for confusing you. i try & type the least possible amount of char. oh characters. my keyboard skips etc anyway i type with 1 finger. believe it i get aches & pains there at times. so i use symbols or 4 =for thats all it was.so tell me a joke mook53lhd

What is the difference between a goldfish and a goat?
A goldfish mucks around in the fountains....

rednaz23: well he started it , so talk to him

Sarah1980 and mook53lhd: orange and green zebras... blah!!! Let's not blow anything up...

mook53lhd: well I don't know what ?????means but I don't think I like it

Sarah1980: that 1 i liked. good show .in clcks ha ha ha hooo hooo mook

Sarah1980: what are you. ????? i simply made a statement. if you`re referring to the k missing in the last line my keyboard &^%% anyway .i was saying jokes are good medicine .its the thought even if the jokes not so good. but its always better to tell the joke anyway. i added well maybe you shouldn`t at a funeral. i don`t know sara it made sense to me when i wrote it.>>>>>hare you are mook.

mook53lhd: what are you talking about??

Sarah1980: you re right should have taken your advice. nah seriously there can never be anything wrong with trying to elicit a laugh from your fellow man or woman. even a corny joke can be funny. in general i would say trying to tell a funny can never be wrong. well --- i should clarify. you don t crack joes at a funeral etc mook53lhd

Sarah1980:I loved that one

Sarah1980:

Absolutely brilliant!

ok ok so they weren't awake when they made the sign,maybe it was the high elevation..thin air..ya?
http://img241.echo.cx/img241/1885/sign4vp.jpg

http://gladstone.uoregon.edu/~nmuntal/images/funny%20sign%20church.jpg

I thought so also

Sarah1980: That was a funny story! Uegonerea Lectit. LOL

gogul: there

Sarah1980: Its the Joke board!

blond: hello 911
911 operator: may I help you??what is your emergency??
blond Yes..someone stole my sterring wheel..i would like to file a report.
911 operator:ok i will send a police officer where are you??
blonde: she tells them
a few minutes pass and the blond calls back
blond: hello 911 operator
911 operator: yes may i help you
blond: yes i am the one who called to report my sterring wheel stoling.. and please cancell the police responding
911 operator:why maam...
blond: oh i was just in the back seat
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

what needs to be invented:
http://www.joke-around.com/pictures/cell_phone_for_men.jpg
some reason why women outlive men:
http://humanics-es.com/men-women.jpg
http://astronomibladet.dk/images/uploads/Artikler/practical_joke.jpg
mmm:
http://www.c-wilkie.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jokes/images/men_bathe_kids.jpg
http://www.sickjokes.net/media/men2.jpg

boop2004: ROFLMAO, now that is real funny

A rich guy is in big trouble when he forgets his wedding anniversary. His wife tells him, "Tomorrow, Buster, there better be something in the driveway that goes from zero to 200 in two seconds flat." The next morning she sees a package in the driveway. She opens it up -- bingo! -- finds a brand new bathroom scale.

five surgeons r discussing who makes the best patients 2 operate on.
the first surgeon says, "i like 2 c accountants on my operating table, cuz when u open them up, everything is numbered.
the second surgeon responds, "yeah, but u should try electricians! everything inside them is color coded."
the third surgeon says, "no, i really think the file clerks r the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."the fourth surgeon chimes in, "u know, i like construction workers. those guys always understand when u have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than u said it would."
but the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "u r all wrong. lawyers r the easiest 2 operate on. there's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and ass r interchangeable."

a little boy asked his father, "daddy, how much does it cost 2 get married?"
and the father replied, "i dunno son, i'm still paying."

irishfrenchkiss: lol..what a chilly quip that was:
http://www.laze.net/images/other/oops.jpg

at the cocktail party, one woman said 2 another, "aren't u wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
the other women replied, "yes i am, i married the wrong man."

two little boys go into the grocery store. one is nine, one is four. the nine-year-old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it 2 the register for check-out. the cashier asks "oh, these must be for your mom, huh?" the nine-year-old replies, "nope, not for my mom." without thinking, the cashier responded, "well, they must be for your sister then?" the nine-year-old responded, "nope, not for my sister either." the cashier had now become curious. "oh. not for your mom and not for your sister -- then who r they for?" the nine-year old says "they're for my four-year-old little brother." the cashier is surprised: "your four year-old-brother?" the nine-year-old explains: "well yeah, they say on tv if u wear one of these, u can swim or ride a bike -- and my little brother can't do either of those things."

A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump.

"What can I do for y'all?" asks the attendant. "Fill `er up with high test," replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down. "What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before." "Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "this, my boy is a 1999 Cadillac DeVille."

"What all's it got in it?" asks the attendant. "Well," says the driver, "it has everything. It's loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, a 8.8 liter V12 engine."

"Wow," says the attendant, "that's really something!" "How much do I owe you for the gasoline?" asks the driver. "That'll be $30.17," says the attendant.

The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees. "What are those little wooden things?" asks the attendant. "That's what I put my balls on when I drive," says the driver. "Wow," says the attendant, "those Cadillac people think of everything!"

Sarah1980: hehehe oh noooooo

A man is driving along a highway
and sees a rabbit jump out
across the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid hitting it,
but unfortunately
the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.


The driver,
a sensitive man as well as an animal lover,
pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit.


Much to his dismay,
the rabbit is dead.


The driver feels so awful
that he begins to cry.


A beautiful blonde woman
driving down the highway
sees a man crying on the
side of the road
and pulls over.


She steps out of the car
and asks the man what's wrong.


"I feel terrible," !
he explains,
"I accidentally hit this rabbit
and killed it."


The blonde says,
"Don't worry."


She runs to her car
and pulls out a spray can.


She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit,
bends down,
and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.


The rabbit jumps up,
waves its paw at the two of them
and hops off down the road.


Ten feet away the rabbit stops,
turns around and waves again,
he hops down the road another 10 feet,
turns and waves,

hops another ten feet,

turns and waves,
and repeats this again and again and again,
until he hops out of sight.


The man is astonished.


He runs over to the woman and demands,
"What is in that can?
What did you spray on that rabbit?"


The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.



It says.




(Are you ready for this?)











(Are you sure?)











(This is bad!)











(It's definitely a Blonde Joke!)











(You know you could just click off
and not read the punch line....)








(You can still delete it)








(You know you're gonna be sorry)











(Last chance)











(OK, here it is)










It says,







"Hair Spray -
Restores life to dead hair,
and adds permanent wave."

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.

He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was

trying to undermine the policeman's credibility....

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"

A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"

A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line -- and we think he'll win.

rednaz23: Thats just to friggin funny!! LOL

Sarah1980: hahaha.. I live in Wyoming.. I can vouch for this! LOL

rednaz23: Exelent link! Gotta love it! and i want to hear the explanation to the insurance company!

rednaz23: thats brilliant!! Never mess with old ladies!!

This really isn't a joke. It is just plain hilarious! This guy gets what he deserves...

Here is the link: Rich man vs. Old woman

Phil (rednaz23)

Pikachu is sitting at a bus stop. The bus comes, and Pikachu walks to the bus door but won't get on! what do you do?



Pokemon!

Sarah1980: I didn't get it.