Once upon a time there lived in the woods,
A boss little girl named Riding Hood.
I don't mean blue,
I don't mean green,
I don't mean yellow or aquamarine.
I said Red! — (clap) — Uh uh! (point left with right index finger),
I said Red! — (clap) — Uh uh! (point right with left index finger),
I said Red! — (clap) — Uh uh! (point forward and down pistol-style with both hands),
Red Riding Hood!
(Snap, two, three, four.)
Granny threw her back out on her skateboard on day,
So Red took her goodies and a tube of Ben-Gay.
"The busses aren't running and the 'vette's in the shop,
So I'll hoof it to Granny's house, clippity clop!"
I said clop! — (clap) — Uh uh! (point left with right index finger),
I said clop! — (clap) — Uh uh! (point right with left index finger),
I said clop! — (clap) — Uh uh! (point forward and down pistol-style with both hands),
Like clippity-clop!
(Snap, two, three, four.)
She was half way to Granny's a-singing a song,
When a big bad hairy wolf came walking along.
"Hey, hey, little girl, what's your hurry today?"
"Get lost!" said Red, and she went on her way.
But the wolf beat Red to Grandmother's pad
He threw her in the closet (OOOH!)* and got in the bed.
When Red got there, she was really grossed out
To see a fuzz-faced Granny with a big long snout!
She had bloodshot eyes and big sharp teeth,
A big pot belly and stinky feet.
"Come closer, my dear," said the wolf in disguise.
"All the better," said Red. "for YOUR surprise."
Then Little Red jammed a twinkie up his nose.
She stuck gum in his hair and stepped on his toes.
With one big kick, he was out on his tail.
All the way down the road, you could hear him wail.
(Snap, two, three, four.)
These days wolves don't go to good,
When they pick on girls like Riding Hood.
I don't mean blue,
I don't mean green,
I don't mean yellow or aquamarine.
I said Red! — (clap) — Uh uh! (point left with right index finger),
I said Red! — (clap) — Uh uh! (point right with left index finger),
I said Red! — (clap) — Uh uh! (point forward and down pistol-style with both hands),
Red Riding Hood! Yeah!
I can't find the author but the rap can be found in the book Crazy Gibberish by Naomi Baltuck. It's also located here: