Funny as it seems, I like pork and beans,
I love to sit and eat 'em in the dark.
I'm just a gassy feller, my underwear turns yeller,
when I blow a big ol' smelly fart!

Well, well, well -- let's go to Taco Bell,
and slam down ten burritos, extra hot!
Then it starts to happen, I can feel my butt cheeks flappin',
I hold my nose and give it all I got.

(CHORUS) So if you want my fart, my big ol' smelly fart,
just come a little closer if you can.
But watch out for my fart, my big ol' smelly fart,
It just might blow up and kill the band!

Ev'ry time I get the chance I like to practice flat-chu-lance,
aint nothin' like a good distended bow'l.
And when I'm really rollin' I just blow it out my colon,
women scream and dogs begin to howl.

It's a panic I'm creatin' when my blue jeans start inflatin',
God, I hope nobody lights a match!
The crowd is headin' for the door, guess they can't take it anymore.
I'm alone here with my big ol' smelly fart.

(CHORUS repeats with gas noises...)