1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and mental illness.

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is CRAZY.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

19. Your friends love you anyway.

Murphy, a dishonest lawyer, bribed a man on his client's jury to hold
out for a charge of manslaughter, as opposed to the charge of murder
which was brought by the state.

The jury was out for several days before they returned with the
manslaughter verdict.

When Murphy paid the corrupt juror, he asked him if he had a very
difficult time convincing the other jurors to see things his way.

"Sure did," the juror replied, "the other eleven wanted to acquit."

Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes and candy bars at the front.
 
Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. While contemplating surgery for being to fat.
 
Only in America.....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Plus hire a rent a cop with a gun that would make Barney Fife look like Dirty Harry.
 
Only in America.....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
 
Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and  buns in packages of eight. Don't forget screws in three's and nails by the dozen.
 
Only in America.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
 
Only in America.....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
 
EVER WONDER ...
 
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
 
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
 
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
 
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
 
Why is it that doctors and lawyers call what they do "practice"?
 
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
 
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
 
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
 
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
 
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
 
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
 
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
 
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
 
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
 
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
 
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
 

and with whom indeed - pertinent occurances -
and certainly not the kind of jokes called out. ~*~

Orilia Ontario has a huge Cannon as well as tree's planted for the people that have died for this Country with a plaque on every tree for every individual.Then the root joined underground and united intermigling with the speed of sound.:o)

Nev Nake: Look on his games, how quickly he resign (and with whom). This is the answer. There is a lot of pawns identities to manipulate the ratings, but beware to say it loudly...
(Oh my God, I made a racistic statement again!)

- So thick, so thick! - the woman says

He silences her by saying that it is entering folded


Non sence

who is Stevie2
another LongJohn account?

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam. I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you, " Mrs. Smith cut in.

Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed.Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread
out!"

"Bathtub, living room floor?

No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."

"Well, madam,none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot of..." gasped Mrs.Smith.

Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in
five minutes, but you! 'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus."
"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes," and get this; the photographer said."And for more than three hours, too."

The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, um..equipment?"

"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."

"Tripod??"

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long.

Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord,she's fainted!"

Why eiaur isn't expulse?

Eiaur is very crazy ...

Well, seems not. Thank´s...

Am i banned or on hide?

No

The obscene posts have been deleted and the posters banned or hidden. I can only go so fast.

Carago!!!!!!

Hey guys, would you mind speaking in english. I don't understand your dialect...

Paulinho!És o maior!Mostra como é ser um homem do Norte...Carago!

Poetry is nice too ...

maybe, are gay too? LOL

which brings up the question: Why even have a moderator like Purple who will read the post, but not Moderate them?

in english: Purple is alredy seeing this discussion.

LOL

get some overdose and fly...

a litlle! but Fencer and Stevie don't like

maybe dark humour?

eiaur: oh, that explains everything...

I would prefer Charles Manson...

To every one, if my user will be expulse, i have a script to create in the same time 100 new users!!!

LOL, didn't know purple was a stalker...

it's a long history, but Purple can explain that!

Hey purple, wake up, put some order in this list, please...

Why Fencer don't put me away? because he like!!!!

what are you saying ughaibu?

<Stevie->Fencer's wife->Purple->Fencer->BadBishop
"Pouca terra!" Pouca terra!"" UHHHHHHHHHH!