A lorry driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch. He ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three motorcycles pulled up outside and presently a trio of Hells Angels came in. One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a bite from it, the second one took a slurp of the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down the apple pie.

The truck driver didn't say a word. He simply got up, paid the cashier, and left.

When he was gone, one of the Angels sneered, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"

"He's not much of a driver, either," the cashier replied, "He's just backed his lorry over three motorcycles."

A man walks into a dentist's office and says, "Excuse me, can you help me? I think I'm a moth."

The dentist replies, "You don't need a dentist, you need a psychiatrist."

The man says, "Yes, I know."

The dentist asks, "Then why did you come in here?"

The man says, "The light was on."

An elderly man and woman were talking, and the man said, "Hey I just bought a new hearing aid the other day. The best hearing aid I've ever had. The thing cost over $4,000."

"Great! What kind is it?" the woman asked.

"About 12:30," said the man.

Backoff: LMAO! oh Bubba, that is too funny!!!! Did ya show that to Mary?

hehe not yet.

do they deliver that?

http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh/images/q-t/signsquarefootpizza.jpg

see the 21st picture from the top:
http://www.freewebs.com/damacespage/pictures.htm

...but it is udderly the strangest roadside attraction I have seen to date.

http://www.hcn.org/allimages/2004/jun21/graphics/040621-030.jpg

http://static.flickr.com/23/24765967_5443bba7fa_b.jpg

http://img226.imageshack.us/img226/5921/tuvalet3hq.jpg

Maxxina: what was that sign telling us to do,pee over the wall?lol

Maxxina: Knowing my luck I'd eventually reach it and find there was no paper.

http://coolabah.com/ausblog/sunflower/Montana%20-%20dunny.jpg

nobleheart:
Uuuum, guys.... what's the padlock on the door for? The lock should be ON THE INSIDE shouldn't it? To keep people out.... while you're unloading? And not a padlock....lol.

bumble: sometimes no paper is needed:
http://lesani.fotoweb.cz/fotky/20040530_preziti/158%20No%20paper%20is%20needed.JPG

CleverHunk: just hope that it isn't one of those plants that give you a bad rash!!! ouch!!

that brings back memories,when i was a kid,I slipped down a slick river bank & slide into a grove of nettles.

nobleheart: Was that with or without your pants down LOL

Could someone please give me a link to a picture of Donald Trumps hair to cheer me up?

http://espn.go.com/media/pg2/2005/0314/photo/wb/w_trump_vt.jpg

LMAO!!! :oD

Lamby: Thaat is a good one! :) Perhaps you have one of Don King the boxing promoter? Or better yet, him shaking Donald's hand if they ever met?

Walter Montego:
http://routergod.com/donking/don_king_and_david_letterman.jpg

Hehehee :oD

Walter Montego: Heres one when hes younger....his hair has definately calmed down with age! LOL

http://www.cora.org/_borders/don_king.jpg

skipinnz: I dont hike through the woods with pants oFF!
maybe you need to go here:

Link edited due to nudity..

Please peeps try to remember children are present.. young children..

nobleheart: Didn't say you had your pants off, just asked if they were up or down. LOL

neither was just walking along the river edge

Lamby: It almost looks like his head is on fire with a gray flame! :)

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding.

He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.

Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid -the parrot was his at last!

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I
sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"

"Don't worry." said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do
you think kept bidding against you?"

http://www.scienceyear.com/sciteach/jokes/images/08OldJoke.jpg

There was 3 ladies on an island 1 blonde 1 brunette and a red-head. The city where they wanted to be was 20 miles away with sea between the the island and the city. The red-head swam 4 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the brunette sawm 10 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the blonde swam 19 miles, got tired, and swam back!!

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish. The redhead went first. 'I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!' 'Okay,' replied the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. 'I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!' And off she went. The blonde started crying and said, 'I wish my friends were back here!'

Two blondes are racing down a bumpy back road in a pretty beat up car down to a bank they're going to rob.

"Drive slower" pleads the one in the passenger seat, "I don't
want all the nitro in the boot to explode."

"Relax," the driver replies, "even if it did, I've got a spare box
under the seat . . . "

A British Airways employee took a call from a blonde asking the question, "How long is the Concorde flight from London to New York?" "Um, just a minute, if you please," he murmured. Then, as he turned to check the exact flight time, he heard an equally polite, "Thank you," as the phone went dead.

...or someone might crack"the pink whip"
--
why dont we find some(clean) men jokes:
http://onsitetechsnet.com/blog/media/1/20050402-Women-&-Men-Joke.jpg
http://www.chemistryquestion.jp/images/joke/If%20men%20did%20housework.jpg
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y238/hillarydl/LadiesKitchenAccesory.jpg
http://www.crazy-jokes.com/pictures/perfect-man.jpg
http://www.oursworld.net/ingilizce-ders/karikatur/dergi-karikatur/sixtymiles.jpg
http://members.tripod.com/~joke_joker/ironman.jpg
http://www.crazy-jokes.com/pictures/perfect-male.jpg

You wake up face down on the pavement.

You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.

You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.

You see a ''60 minutes'' news team waiting in your office.

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there
aren't any.

You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.

Your twin sister forgot your birthday.

You wake up and discover your water-bed broke, and then realize that you
don't have a water-bed.

Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group
of Hell's Angels on the freeway.

Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.

Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.

The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.

You wake up and your braces are locked together.

You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.

Your blind date turns out to be your ex.

Your paycheck bounces.

You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

Your pet rock snaps at you.

Your wife says, ''Good morning, Bill'' and your name is George.

http://www.gatorgazette.net/vol1issue4/images/Alligator%20Joke.gif

http://www.paradiseawaits.com/Cyber/joke.gif

http://ottawa-blues-jazz.ncf.ca/stickman2.gif

1.) go to www.google.com

2.) type in failure

3.) press the I'm feeling lucky button (instead of the google search
one)

4). Laugh

5) Forward to others before the Google folks fix this!

some fun stuff
weird-search-engines

strange stuff search engine
http://www.altervistas.com/

find a grave search engine
http://findagrave.com/index.html
http://findagrave.com/php/famous.php?page=gSearch&page=gSearch&globalSearchCriteria=

find the weather history of a place on any date
http://www.weatherunderground.com/history/airport/EDDI/1998/12/3/DailyHistory.html

find song lyrics re any keyword entered search engine
http://www.searchlyrics.org/?artist=&song=&lyric=ketchup

:)

Happy Halloween

ScarletRose: LOL my daughter loved it thanks.

Sad News It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he was still a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes. If this made you smile for even a brief second, please take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else that kneads it.

ScarletRose: LSHIPML..fthats very clever ScarletRose,did u make that up or find it?

nobleheart: it was sent to me in an email.. :) it has been out for several years.. and I think it had been posted on here before.. just thought I would share..

Reminds me of that song, "Wet Dreams". Anyone know it?

well its funny...lol..ty
---
http://www.ahajokes.com/cartoon/doughboy.jpg
http://www.tournamentofstuff.com/pillsbirycartoon.JPG

nobleheart: hahaha Oh my!! did you notice the one in the oven?? LOL

yes lol

The phone rang as we were sitting down to dinner. I answered it and was greeted with, "Is this William Wagenhoss?"

This didn't sound anything like my name, so I asked, "Who is calling?" The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband-Powered Freezer Company or something like that. I asked him if he knew William personally and why was he was calling this number. I then said, off to the side, "Get really good pictures of the body and all the blood."

I turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had called a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear at the local courthouse to testify in this murder case.

I questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call. The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice.

I proceeded to tell him we had located his position at his work place and the police were entering the building to take him into custody. At this point, I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.

My wife asked me as I returned to our table, why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. My food was cold, but oh-so-very enjoyable.

Yield: 1 Day

~*~*~*~BREAKFAST~*~*~*~

1/2 Grapefruit
1 sl Whole wheat toast, dry
8 oz Skim milk


~*~*~*~LUNCH~*~*~*~

4 oz Lean broiled chicken breast
1 c Steamed spinach
1 c Herb tea
1 Oreo cookie


~*~*~*~MIDAFTERNOON SNACK~*~*~*~

Rest of Oreos in the package
2 pt Rocky Road ice cream
1 Jar hot fudge sauce
Nuts
Cherries
Whipped cream


~*~*~*~DINNER~*~*~*~

2 Loaves garlic bread with - cheese
1 lg Sausage, mushroom & cheese
-pizza
4 cn Beer OR
1 lg Pitcher of beer
3 Milky Way or Snickers Candy
-bars


Rules for this diet:

If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no
calories.

If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories
in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.

When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.

Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot
chocolate, brandy, toast, and Sara Lee Cheesecake

If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. (Example: Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, or Tootsie Rolls).

Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

Things licked off knives or spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples: peanut butter on a knife while making sandwiches or ice cream on a spoon while making a sundae.

Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are spinach and pistachio ice cream or mushrooms and white chocolate.

NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substitited for any other food color.

10. You get winded from knocking on the door

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you

8. You ask for high fiber candy only

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6, People say,"Great Boris Karloff Mask" and you're not even wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or....." and can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

1. You keep having to go home to pee.